Cat and Mouse

For a while there, I couldn’t figure out why my mouse was on the fritz.  But then I took a look inside –

I think I’ll blame the cats.  Especially the one with the yellow fur.

Where Are My Hands?

So there’s this woman I’ve been noticing when I’m coming down the hill on my way to work in the morning.  She often has a striking expression on her face — a sort of glazed, distant look that’s also very focused. Remote but completely concentrated.  And there’s a very particular reason for this look, to wit: one of her hands is inside a butchered duck which she’s in the process of ‘cleaning’ (ie eviscerating).

It’s extraordinarily satisfying to have her expression so perfectly accounted for.  Indeed, once the reason is clear, it’s hard to imagine any other possible circumstance that could  ever cause her to look that exact same way.

So then I got to thinking:  what a splendid premise for a  TV show!  Some kind of panel game  where the contestants are presented with pictures or videos that show only the faces of people who have their hands in very particular places (eg inside ducks, stuck down a waste disposer, nailed to a coffee table etc etc).  The contestants, of course, then have to guess the location and circumstance.

Naturally, you’d want to mix it up a bit.  So you could have –

• Special rounds with other body parts (Where is this person’s tongue? What has attached itself to that man’s foot?)
• ‘Adult’ rounds  (What does this man have up his ass? — this might also be a follow-up question to #1 above)
• Trick questions with amputees (Bring on a Yakuza, and the panel has to ascertain the present whereabouts of of his little finger)
• Cute animal rounds (Where is this dog’s other paw?)
• Organ donor/recipient mix’n'match line-ups.

And so on. Heck, I figure the concept is good for, oh, at least half an episode before it runs out of steam.

Veggie Might

Hmm, perhaps this is why the power in our building has recently gotten so flaky.

Green Energy — Ur doing it wrong

Two Can Play At That Game

Over on Language Log, Jesse Sheidlower claims to have found the Best. Cartoon. Ever. And I think he may be right.

That won’t stop me from vandalizing it though.

With apologies to Phil at The Rut

Political Semiotics

Mr Luo Zhi-Ren is apparently the KMT candidate for Keelung’s Ren-Ai district in some upcoming election.  And here he is trying to project himself to the voting public as… well, what exactly?  ‘Young’, ‘[well-]qualified’ and ‘trail-blazing’ apparently.  So his raised fist must surely be an intentional part of this dynamic, thrustful, can-do image.  And who knows?  Maybe that’s exactly how it’s interpreted by his constituency.

To my Western eyes though, he’s sending a completely different message –

Ironically, he probably doesn’t even have a lawn.

A couple more reasons…

…not to go walking outside in a typhoon.

Before and After. You do the math.

This signage will probably need to be replaced.

Well someone’s fucking lying

And it’s seriously pissing me off.

It started here.

In a nutshell:

Adam Laurie: I can read the UK’s prospective ID card for foreign nationals in 12 minutes. And then clone it and hack it. (link)

Home Office: No you can’t. (link)

AL: I just did it.

HO: No you didn’t.

AL: Yes I did. And there were people watching too. I’ll be happy to show you how I did it if you want.

HO: A couple weeks ago, we invited you to send us a hacked card so we could examine it, but you never sent it so we don’t believe you. (link)

AL: What are you talking about? You never contacted me at all.

HO: Yes we did.

AL: No you didn’t.

“This story is rubbish,” the Home Office said in a statement. “We are satisfied the personal data on the chip cannot be changed or modified and there is no evidence this has happened.”

And there you have it. The Daily Mail and some Blackhat-type guys on one side and the UK government on the other. It doesn’t really help that lying is a professional requirement for every party involved, so in terms of credibility, the two sides are fairly evenly matched: they score about minus infinity each.

UPDATE: A couple hours after I posted this, I finally took the trouble to do what I should have done in the first place, ie Google Adam Laurie. Aka Major Malfunction. Bottom line: the Home Office is full of shit.

But unlike the usual childish ‘did too’ ‘did not’ playground argument, this one is actually decidable. It doesn’t rest on anyone’s word; the substance of the claims can be tested experimentally. It wouldn’t even be that hard to do.

So what the fuck, people? Is the government lying through its fucking teeth as usual, or is Adam Laurie just another self-promoting chancer that the Home Office is sick of dealing with? (UPDATE: He’s not: see above.)

I mean, fuck if I know, obviously. But isn’t this what the fourth estate is for? Don’t just shrug and walk away now, you fuckers, with your ‘balanced’ fucking reporting. This is actually quite important. Somebody please figure out what the fuck is going on.

Or no, on seconds thoughts, don’t bother. Because I wouldn’t believe you anyway.

‘When you believe in things that you don’t understand, then you suffer.’ S. Wonder.

Smarter than you think

The War on Mosquitoes is not going well.

Deet turns out to be neurotoxic and my preferred brand of mosquito coil turns out to have too much dioxin.

Mozzies 2, Hoomans 0.

(Image composited from stolen clipart [Fotosearch and ClipArtOf] and from Daniela Muhawi’s gallery at Seafood Punch.)