My car got stolen the other night.
Consequently, I got to ride shotgun in a cop cruiser as Officer ‘David’ drove me around the ‘hood checking out all the places where stolen vehicles are traditionally dumped. David seemed to know where to look, and we found it within a couple of hours. I couldn’t help noticing that there were fingerprints all over the driver-side door, plus a good DNA source on the passenger side — not as disgusting as you’re probably thinking: I just mean there was a half-finished bottle of mint tea jammed under the seat — but David wasn’t interested in any of that. Whatever.
Anyway, my transportation was duly restored to me, and except for a missing book of ‘freeway’ tickets ($12), a busted ignition switch ($150), and a crimp in my weekly schedule, the episode ended happily enough. I just hope it doesn’t become a habit.
(I cannot refrain from comparing this with my experiences back in London, where my minivan used to get stolen all the bleeding time. The UK cops were completely fucking useless; I always had to go out and find it myself, and sometimes it took days. )
‘But what does any of this have to do with grapefruit?’ I hear you ask. I’m getting to that. Here’s a reconstruction of where the perp[s] dumped my car –
Note the cleverly [re]positioned CCTV camera (circled in red), which can be seen more clearly below –
Them that asks no questions isn’t told a lie -
Watch the wall, my darling, while the Gentlemen go by. — Kipling
Seriously, the only thing these fucking cameras are good for is the occasional low-quality Youtube video — and do we really need more of those? (In case you’re struggling, the answer is: no, we don’t.)
Fuck CCTV.
Tags: CCTV, grand theft auto, kipling, security
